One Without Tea

A conversation I recently witnessed in a coffee shop at the airport. An old frail man walked up to the counter and asked for 

“One without tea”

The boy across the counter who was taking this order wanted to double-check. “One, what?”

With a deadpan face, the customer answered “One without tea”

I was next in the queue and immediately knew that this would take a while. It was promising to be fun as well. 

“We have masala tea and ginger tea. Which one would you want?”

“No Sada (ordinary) tea. But without tea” came the reply from the customer. 

The confused assistant realized that his feeble attempts to sidestep a tricky request weren't working. So he reached out to his supervisor for help.

The busy looking supervisor asked the customer if he wanted coffee !!

“No coffee. Only Without Tea”. Now our man was losing it. Apparently coffee is not his cup of tea.

“Tell him we don’t have it” – The irate supervisor shooed away the counter boy who was by now becoming more of a pest than the customer himself.

The poor boy was more than happy to follow his boss’s orders and told the old man that they don't have that 'Without tea'. Whatever it might be. 

The customer was bemused and said something in a language that none of us understood. I am pretty sure he was not thanking the coffee shop, guys.

He walked out angry and disappointed. But hey, he got what he wanted. He asked for 'One Without tea', and walked away without tea. What was he fussing about?

As I reached the counter and asked for a cup of coffee, the counter boy was thrilled to bits and beamed a very happy smile. He was so happy to hear something he could understand.

As my coffee was getting ready I turned back and looked at the old man and thought about his strange request. What could he have wanted? Should I have stepped in and tried to help him rather than just enjoy the fun? 

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the coffee cup and the fresh brew.

"Sir, your coffee," said the helpful assistant and pointed me to a corner where sugar packets were kept. 

Without Sugar

Instinctively I looked back to see if that tea-loving customer was still around. How could we not understand this simple request? 

I never met that old man again and probably never will. But I sincerely hope that the next time he has a smarter and sweeter fellow customer who not just enjoys his plight but also helps him get his 'One without (sugar) tea',

May i have your kind tension please

“Goood evening lads and gentmen,

The inflight announcement crackled through the speakers. Apparently they don’t like ladies and gentlemen inside the flight anymore and prefer to greet only the ‘lads and gent men ’.Whoever they are

May I have your kind tension please?”

I wasn’t sure if I fitted the category of a ‘lad’ or a ‘gentmen’ but I sure had lots of stress and tension with me that I was more than willing to give away to that pretty inflight attendant who made this strange request. Why would she request others for their kind tension? Or was it kind attention?

Mr. Nara…aa..ya..n…

Even in deep sleep I could sense that someone was having a fight with my name. I woke up in time to save the struggling flight attendant and more importantly my name (actually that’s my father’s name) by helping her with my rather easy to pronounce …Bhaskar

Sir you have a pre booked Veg meal. May I have your boarding pass please?

As I pick my boarding pass and hand it over to her, she poses a tough question

Would you prefer vegetarian or non - vegetarian, Sir

If I prefer a non-vegetarian meal, why would I pre book a veg meal? I chose to show my annoyance by showing a V symbol (for veg) with my fingers. I was too sleepy to answer anyway. Can I have a sandwich please? Not because I like it but because that’s the first option I could think of.

Cucumber tomato or spinach lettuce or paneer sandwich?

Another multiple choice question. After a quick inky-pinky-ponky in the head I took that tough decision – “cucumber tomato please”

Sorry sir we don’t have it.

Annoyed as I was my ego did not permit me to go back to the poor spinach and panneer that I said no to in the first place. So I asked for a fruit cake

Sorry Sir, it’s out of stock

I felt like screaming out loud. I was in row 3 for God’s sake. How can something go out of stock when the food service had barely started, But I held back my frustration and politely asked the girl, “What else do you have”

Sir, please go through our menu in the inflight magazine kept in your seat pocket

Now that strange request made by the flight attendant as soon as we boarded the flight - “May I have your kind tension please” made sense to me. She probably wanted to collect as much tension as she could from the others so that she could pass them all on to me. Unfortunately for me, she succeeded

I didn’t know if I was more hungry or angry staring at the small box of chilli pepper cashew in front of me. Apparently that’s all the vegetarian choice they had for me.

By the way, I had asked for a box of salted cashew.

How can we not love the like?

Have you ‘like’ watched the latest movie. It is ‘like’ awesome. I am ‘like’ planning to watch it again, ‘like’ the fourth time, in ‘like’ five days. 

The usage of this vocalized pause in spoken English is undoubtedly the most annoying style contributed by us to the language. This excessive use of Like is a definite hair puller for many. What was considered to be one of those North American teenage girls ‘thingy’ has now become the lingo of many in this part of the world as well.

If ‘like’ is more irritating than the conventional fillers like ‘um’ or ‘er’ in spoken English, then it certainly has to be the most versatile. Ask those compulsive ‘Like’ clickers of Facebook who convey everything from “I agree with you” to a more basic acknowledgment to say “I saw this post”. 

'Like' gives us the flexibility to interpret its meaning. While the reader might have clicked ‘like’ more out of reflex the one who posted might imagine that their work is truly loved.

The trouble with this flexibility to interpret is that, sometimes, it looks plain silly when ‘Like’ is used to convey sympathy. Sample this post I once saw, 

“I did not check FB for the past 3 weeks. I lost someone”. 

This sad post had 50+ Like. Were these people happy that our man did not come on FB for 3 weeks? I certainly hope they didn’t ‘Like’ the fact that he lost someone. 

In the digital marketing world ‘Like’ is an ‘Opt-in’ option.  By clicking ‘like’ to a page you are opting in to be fed automatically by all the updates to that page or site.

Though some of us might be voting for the other more frequently used 4 letter word for its versatility, 'Like' should rank right up there.  You can love it or you can hate it but the fact is, ‘Like’ is here to stay.

So, the next time when you struggle to express your emotion towards something, simply 'Like' it and leave the world to interpret the meaning.  

Do I see a ‘thumbs-up’ from you to this idea?

That annoying status update

"Tired of waiting. Feeling so sleepy". 

Where have you seen this type of status update before? The typical responses that follow this all-important 'Breaking News' might give you a hint.

"Why don't you sleep? Where are you?" 

Why don't you sleep? A simple yet profound question that not only shows care but gives an intelligent solution to a friend's odd hour predicament. What a genius. 

"International airport. Flight delayed". 

This guy apparently likes to keep his cards close to his chest. He wants to keep the world intrigued a little longer. 

"Where are you off to?"

Our 'tired' friend heaves a sigh of relief. Finally, someone popped the question that he was hoping to be asked all along.

Nothing annoys me more than such status updates. I wonder why people do that. Why can't they tell their friends that they are off to some international city? When was the last time you saw an update that read  "waiting for the bus? Tired" Or "Long queue at the ration shop." Something about the International airports that tire those with a smartphone.

We as humans have always been suckers for the needless and the unnecessary. And these attention seekers play on our voyeuristic nature. The experiences that we go through gives us a million reasons to whine about something or the other, every day. Every moment is a potential 'Status update' or even worse a rubbish blog post material (such as this one). 

One of my recent airport experience gave me enough frustrations to last a lifetime. With some writing skills, I could have written a few novels out of these experiences. But then, i don't like to complain about air travel. I have too much respect for what the Wright brothers did and what if they had got not got it right. Not too long back, we were traveling by bullock carts, if you could afford to use one, that is. 

So no blog against air travel experience. But then, I was getting too annoying for myself with all that wait and hunger. I wanted a distraction. A let out. 

So I took my phone and started typing the words, convincing myself that the world is waiting to read them.  And I posted my status update

"Tired of waiting. Feeling hungry"

MH 370 - The flight that never landed

‘Spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he is going to Beijing by MH 370 and now not able to come out of his girlfriend’s flat’

While I found this ‘joke’ to be funny at first and very funny a little later I also was a little hesitant sharing it with the others. Maybe because a part of me took the moral high ground and asked the other half of my conscience “will you still find it funny if someone close to you were to be on that plane?”

Like most others, I too have been following the news or should I say speculations surrounding the Malaysian airline MH370. I do feel for the family members of the passengers and crew in that plane but I must admit that it is not just sympathy that has kept me glued to this mystery.  The science and logic leading to various speculations combined with some wild and whacko theories make this an engrossing drama. The news channels (with back ground music et al) and the numerous expert opinions make it more fascinating and gripping than a well-conceived screen play of a thriller Hollywood movie.  Half an hour of CNN or BBC make us sound like an aviation expert. 5 Minutes of watching any Indian news channels make us believe that the news reader is an aviation expert or maybe even the super intelligent terrorist who reprogrammed the flight path of the plane. Somewhere along the way, we tend to forget the human tragedy and focus a little more on feeding our information seeking part of the brain and get caught up in the drama unfolding in front of our eyes.

Be it a Tsunami sweeping the shores of several nations or a bunch of poor miners trapped deep inside the earth we tend to follow these developments by the minute. With the electronic and print media more than thrilled to sensationalize these sad realities as ‘breaking news’ we desperately fish for that extra bit of information that could give us our 2 minutes of fame while discussing with friends. It could be the names of the tectonic plates that shifted to cause a Tsunami or abbreviation of ACARS system or the name a gas that affects a miner trapped deep inside. It can even be a name of the guy who found the debris of an earlier lost and found aircraft. Any unknown information that you can add to your lunch hour discussion can elevate you to the alpha dog status in that group.

Is learning about Tsunami or a hurricane wrong even as thousands of our fellow humans are swept or blown away by these very same natural disasters? Is learning about some of the aviation jargons and protocols wrong even as the fate of the passengers is unknown? Are we disrespecting the victims and their families by following such events like we would a well written novel? Are speculations more interesting than the reality?

I don’t think so. Maybe, it is just one of those unnecessary dilemmas that I somehow manage to manufacture in my head at every situation. While I sincerely hope for a miracle and a logical closure to this mystery I will continue to thank my stars for being able to follow this story and not be the story itself. I hope against all logic and wish that the passengers and crew of MH 370 are safe and alive, somehow, somewhere.

As for our friend hiding in his girlfriend’s flat. Sorry buddy. All we can do is spare a thought for you and maybe even laugh at your 'funny' predicament

Parallels between Life and WWE

Do you enjoy watching a 6’5” man, built like an oak tree, do a 360 degree somersault from atop the ringside rope, reaching nearly 10 feet in the air and landing flat on another man.  Or do you prefer watching two super-sized athlete beat each other with steel chairs, in front of millions of frenzied spectators who don’t think it’s violent enough.

If you think all of these are barbaric and stupid ‘fake’ acts but violence all the same, then you are not alone. There are millions who share your views. On the other hand, if you think all these make it the best sports entertainment shows on earth, you are not alone too. Welcome to the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) - A billion dollar industry, a show that is being telecast over the past 25 years making it the longest running program in television history. If it is just a mind numbing dumb act like most people think it is, what explains its success for nearly 3 decades, across the globe, since it started?

It was nearly 20 years ago that I watched a World Wrestling Federation (WWF) match on TV, for the first time. I was fascinated by the freakishly huge wrestlers, who were surprisingly flexible as a rubber, performing some of the most unbelievable acrobatic stunts. The combination of super-size, flexibility, in-ring acting capability, well written story line, promotions, the pyro techniques, music etc. made me love this show instantly. Not many share my taste. The ‘haters’ complain that this is a show of mindless giants who beat each other to pulp only to reach a pre-fixed result. They wonder “How on earth can someone consider this fun? The matches are fixed”. I wonder, would they rather enjoy a real fight?

I don’t know about the millions of others who enjoy it but I enjoy watching this sports entertainment show because of the parallel I am able to draw to real life. I know that, as far as unlikely connections go, this is taking it to the extreme. After all, WWE is all about taking things to the extreme isn’t it?

Balancing the opposites:

Aristotle once said that successful life is a living reconciliation of the opposites. It is the co-existence and the balancing of good and bad, happiness and sadness, success and failure and many more such opposites. A WWE reflects this important philosophy of real life. A success of a wrestler and hence the episode lies in the display of his skills in a perfect balance - Strength and flexibility, speed and patience, Athleticism and ability to emote, Flair and Consistency etc. - Balancing of the opposites, Aristotle spoke about.

Knowledge of death does not stop us from living:

We know that death is an eventual reality but yet, we wake up each morning believing we will live for an eternity. We focus on the life and its process. Not so much on the end, A WWE match is much the same for a fan. Result might be a foregone conclusion and the least important part of a show. The real fun is in the fight itself and the surprise twists and turns during its course. Like real life, not just the end but most part of the journey is scripted too and yet makes us believe that every action is instinctive.

What you experience may not always be what you like:

The story line in WWE usually lulls you into believing that you got a hang of it before taking an unexpected turn. Like in real life not all these unexpected turns work for us. We like some. We don’t like some. But we are better off learning to enjoy this twist and hope for a better one at the next bend, which is always round the corner.

Good does not always triumph over the evil:

Real life almost never fits the romantic notion of the triumph of Good over Evil. Sometimes, a WWE story line follows this uncomfortable truth. The ‘Heel’ (a bad guy wrestler) torments a ‘Baby Face’ (a good guy wrestler) right through to the main event and when you believe and hope for a payback the Heel wins again.

Good and Bad are not always what they are:

The most important and interesting part of a WWE story line is the Heel turn by a Face. (when a good guy turns bad all of a sudden). We might feel bad that our favourite wrestler has become a bad guy and wonder why this change had to happen. But then, we will also realize over the next few episodes that this change has made the storyline so much better. Just as how it happens often in life. We see people, situations that were in our favour for so long take a turn for the worse making us feel hurt. But then over time we will be thanking our stars for that change when we realize that this actually helped us get better.

Enemies to our help when friends turn foe:

The drama of life sometimes demands that you partner with an enemy to take on a friend, who chose to work against you. WWE storylines do not have any permanent friend or foe. Wrestlers are made to pair up randomly sometimes pitting close friends and tag team partners against each other. Often we see bitter enemies teaming up to take on a common enemy - All part of a story line that is well scripted, just as in real life.

End of a chapter is not end of the book:

In real life, we go through several experiences which last for a while before they come to an end - Sometimes gradually, sometimes abruptly. They are simply the end of a chapter and only helps begin the next one. They don’t mean that the book has come to an end. These changes make us grow stronger and help us become who we are. Much like the changing storylines of a WWE match that constantly keeps changing to help grow the show.

There are many more parallels we can draw between our life and this ‘dumb’ sport. But then, all these analysis would eventually defeat the purpose that this show is intended for – Entertain. Then, Now and Forever. So, sit back, relax. Let the child in you come out while you admire and respect these hard working super athletes perform their incredible act of balancing the opposites. You might enjoy it, you might analyze it, and you might hate it but please learn to respect it. But whatever is your choice, PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.