Problems to a Solution, Google way

Sometimes, we come across a seemingly insurmountable challenge and wonder if this would ever get resolved. All that matters in those times is a simple straight answer to get rid of the issue. Google is usually a wonderful tool for such situations. But then, it can frustrate even the most patient ones with some confusing and contradicting answers. The over smartness of this search engine can end up creating Problems to a solution, as I have experienced a few times. My relationship with Google is like Tom's relationship with Jerry. Always want to be with it but annoyed with it within few minutes of getting together.

I had this unenviable privilege of being in a sticky situation and wanted Google to bail me out. Little did I realise that it was one of those 'Google moment's where it decided to spin me around from one cryptic solution to the next until I decided that I was better off with the problem than searching for the solution.  Here are some of the pearls of wisdom that Google offered as a possible answer to my conundrum.

“Problems are the stepping-stone to success”.

An annoying and eternally optimistic quote that makes us believe that problems are the best thing that can happen to us? That is a convenient excuse to set me up for the next wisdom that says "Failures are the stepping-stone to success". I should have taken the cue that Google was lazy that day and wanted me to accept the problem and not bother making its crawlers work. 

Problems and failures may teach us something and make us wiser but I was not in a mood for a stepping-stone or even a ladder that day. I was not even interested in that success. All that I wanted was to get rid of the problem. Quickly.  I was looking for a quick answer, an elevator. 

Annoyed at this stepping stone metaphor I continued my quest. Search that is.

”There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts” - Richard Bach

Frustrated at my determination, Google tried to make me believe that there is a gift with every problem. Either that or tried to make me feel guilty for creating the mess that I was trying to get out of. Just to make it clear, I neither chose the problem nor did I need any gifts. All I wanted was a solution that would help me get rid of the issue. 

I was not giving into Google's tactics to make me give up the search. 

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.” - Shantideva

Wow. What a hopeless gem. Who said anything about worrying. Now Google decided to play mind games with me to give up this search. It wanted to convince me that I am worried and that is going to do me no good. Maybe it wanted me to just get on that stepping-stone, take the gift and live with the problem. But the strategy almost started working on me. This quote sowed some seeds of doubts in my mind and I was beginning to get confused. To worry or not to worry. That was the question. 

But then I recovered in time. I needed my answer, not smart-sounding wisdom. 

“I am not smart. I stay with the problems longer”- Albert Einstein

That was a cheap shot. Was it not? Was Google trying to imply that if the greatest human mind stayed longer with the problem, then an ordinary mortal like me should live with it forever? In case Google forgot, all that Einstein cared for was to break atoms that cannot be seen by the naked eye. Hence, the problems he stayed with were probably not too big. Relatively speaking, that is. 

Forget about staying with my problems, I didn’t want to stay on this quote any longer. So I moved on and I was not letting Google off the hook as yet.

“There is no problem so complicated that it cannot be run away from”. Richard Bach, Illusions

Solutions don’t get simpler and more practical than this. Problems are hard to deal with so why make the situation harder than it already is. Looking for the nearest exit is not a bad option. Actually,  the idea of evading the problem was brilliant. 

Finally, the reluctant Google inadvertently gave me the perfect answer. Or so I thought. The problem with happiness is that it doesn't last forever. Someone throws a spanner at it eventually.

“All too frequently a problem evaded is a crisis invited” – Henry Kissinger

The German-born American statesman and political scientist threw this spanner that drove me ‘nuts’ again. To evade or not evade. That became the question now. 

Or was it another salvo from Google? All this while,  It was trying to throw me off the track with contradicting pearls of wisdom when i was desperate for an answer. And just when I settled on an answer, it wanted to create Problems to the solution. 

“Sometimes problems don’t require a solution to solve them; instead they require maturity to outgrow them”- Dr Steve Maraboli

Is that a truce from Google? How simple was that solution? We don’t solve problems but outgrow them. And here I was, searching all over the place for a solution that was as easy as this. No more sticky situations or challenges in life. All I have to do is grow up. 

Sorry, Google for doubting you. You are after all the be-all and end-all for me. Annoying as you may be, you are still a friend that I literally 'look-up' to.

Satisfied with the solution and glad to have made peace with Google, I was about to close my computer. Just then, another search result popped up. Googles parting gift that made me scream "Not Ok Google"

“That's the real trouble with this world. Too many people grow up” – Walt Disney

Tom & Jerry might one day make peace with each other but Google and I could never do that. But just as those Disney characters, I can never live without Google either. 

Times Now in Republic India Today

A Personal take on the media circus that we have witnessed in the last 3 months

The drama started unfolding with the shocking end to a promising life

but everyone smelt the rat and suspected the menace that ran rife.

A rebel without a cause fights on, brave and unfazed 

Even as she 'Ran out' of space in the ruins that got razed.

The 'nuis'ance media pants and rants in their race to gloat 'Exclusive'

but, is it their birthright to be abusive and intrusive?

Republic may be the name but freedom of speech is a big nay

they will grab 'Ar nab' your views even before you have a say

The Nation wants to know, why do they dramatize and overplay

with the frenzied debates always ending in disarray.

NCB is like that excited and confused kid in a candy store

too overjoyed to grab anything but still wants more

Was the bureau sleeping even as the A-Listers turned brats?

Sadly, they are left chasing the tail armed only with few historical chats.

Even as the masked and dazed divas beeline for interrogation

One can't help but wonder, whatever happened to the original murder investigation

Truth in India Today is all about what you chose to believe in

We live in an interesting Times Now where sensationalism masks all sin.

We have seen this movie before and we all know how it ends

Justice and closure in favor of all those who are friends

The Ban and The Don

a random thought on Modi's Demonetization and Trump becoming the President. Two events that can have huge political and economic impact across the globe.

Demonetization and Trump

Fear and Hope are probably the two most important aspects of human psyche that have dominated us since the beginning. We tend to fear what we don’t understand and mostly the ones that we think we understand. At the same time, we tend to get excited about anything that sounds positive and get our hopes high, even if we don’t understand it completely

Two major decisions got taken in the last 24 hours across the globe that has caused Fear and Hope amongst us. One is a seemingly brilliant economic move at home and the other a seemingly dumb political decision in the US. So what if we don’t understand the nuances of either of these decisions and the impact it could have on us.   If the brave move against black money made the working class Indian happy then Trump’s win in the US has brought back those familiar worries.   Most of us don’t have a clue how exactly these decisions will impact us but we know they will. Or at least we think we know it.

A man who is termed as a part time clown or a full time socio path trumped not just Hillary but our collective ego. Why do we fear his victory? We don’t care about the Mexicans and immigrants that he has promised to shoo away. We don’t care about the women he has groped for sure. We are afraid because he might stop outsourcing. Period. We fear losing the status quo. We fear that the American Dream of an Indian might end. Can he do that? Will the political and economic compulsions allow that? Will the demographic reality make it viable? We don’t know because we don’t understand it enough. We fear him because he said he will beat the odds and he did it. We fear him because we are angry. After all, the clown trumped the collective predictions of all the pundits and our prayers.

Where there is fear there is always hope.  Last night’s move against corruption seems good enough so far not because we understand the specifics of its economic impact but because of the intent of this decision. If this can give heart burns to all those corrupt politicians and unworthy rich guys who are hoarding black money, then why not. It’s the hope of having that last laugh which makes us all jump in joy. Rs 500 and 1000 apparently amounts to nearly 80% of the cash in India. Can the RBI pump in enough smaller denominations in time to compensate? Apparently the cost of printing a smaller denomination is higher. What about the non cash black money?  How will that stop? With the concept of cashless economy still a distant dream, the days ahead might not be as convenient as it used to. But then, there is this hope. The hope to see the corrupt bleed. Economics might never get into our head but hope has entered our hearts. And that is good enough for now.

We never know how the reality pans out. We don’t know what we don’t understand. We have seen our best hopes shattered and the worst nightmares turning angels. We will all do well to simply back these two decisions and believe that they turn out better than our fears. Let us believe that this ban is the best move against corruption and the Don decision works not just for the US but for all of us.

What did you say?

A funny conversation (of course with some fiction) with a friend on my pencil drawing

Feedback and constructive criticism, they say are vital for self-improvement. I couldn’t agree more. For someone who shamelessly shares his bad pencil sketches out on FB and Whatsap, I have had more than my fair share of criticisms. Feedback, if must say so.

Sometimes, the challenge for me is not so much in working on a feedback but taking it in the first place. How do you work on someones opinion? How can a comment be taken as a feedback?

I recently did a pencil drawing of a fearsome T Rex. Remember the dinosaur eating dinosaur from Jurassic Park? It was not the greatest of drawings but I was particularly glad that I could capture the ferocious look of this monster predator. As usual I shared it with few of my friends and one comment in particular dragged me into this conversation

Hey nice drawing, what animal is this?

That’s T Rex

What’s that? Whatever, But I don’t like it

You don’t like the animal or my drawing

Uh… the drawing is ok. But the only problem is, it’s too scary to look at

Thanks

Thanks?

Yeah, this animal was scary and glad I could get that right.

I prefer cute ones. Try making it look little cuter. Like a calf

This animal used to eat animals twice the size of a cow for snacks. In fact it used to hunt and eat animals that were 70 feet in length. This was the most ferocious alpha predator that has walked the earth. Cute is not going to work.

Blah blah blah …I don’t like it. Besides, it’s not looking real.

It’s a pencil drawing for God’s sake. Not a photograph

Duh…I know that. But what I meant is that the drawing does not resemble the real T Rex or whatever you call it

Sorry, the last of these animals lived 65 million years ago. I couldn’t get any photographs from around that time. Have you seen a real one?

Ha ha. Very funny. It looks 65 million years old though. I meant your drawing

Alright, I get it. You don’t like this drawing. Fine. When I draw a calf or a cat next time I will share it with you.

Thanks but one feedback for you.

Please tell me

You need to learn to take feedback. You can’t be this defensive

Hmm…of course I am good at taking feedback.Why would you say that?

Coz you got offended when I said that your drawing isn’t cute.

How do you even draw a cute T Rex? Maybe I should try a cartoon version the next time.

Ok forget it. Do what you please. I was only trying to help you.

Hmm

Ok can you draw my portrait?

Yes but I thought you don’t like ferocious faces

I never heard from her again. I might probably not hear from her in the next 65 million years. I don't blame her for being angry. I need to work on my ability to take a feed back. Maybe i should start with drawing the cutest scary face and make it look as real as as an un photographed creature that is believed to have lived 65 million years back. Well ,who say's taking feedback is easy.

We didn't start the fire

We are a country steeped in customs and traditions and we pride in keeping every age old practice alive. How else do we explain the annual violence in the name of Cauvery water dispute that has almost become a part of the culture between two states? Everyone knows that this dispute is kept alive for political reasons and leveraged well by crooks to settle personal scores. The burning buses not just provide the much needed fireworks but make for sensational viewing on tele as well. News anchors like Arnab Goswami  and his wannabes with their histrionics provide the sound effect needed to stoke the fire. After all what is celebration of a tradition without fire and noise.

The high decibel news channels were busy sensationalizing the violence that was happening in some isolated corners and make the chaos look worse than it actually is. While this was happening the social media was abuzz with self-appointed critics and peace makers. Amidst this entire circus, in the relative calm of my apartment complex I heard 2 elderly gentlemen lament about violent path that our world is heading towards. They were also nostalgic about how wonderful people were during their times and romanticizing the past with a popular notion that 'the golden age of anything is when I was there’. 

Was the world less violent in the days gone by? I was somehow not willing to accept this notion. Were our ancestors more tolerant towards their fellow humans?  I don’t think so and here is why.

"Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let us go out in the field.” When they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him."   Genesis 4:8.

With Adam, Eve, Abel and himself being the only humans on earth at that point in time, statistically, Cain wiped out 25% of the world’s population by killing his younger brother. The world has never seen such a wipe out since. The World War 2 wiped out 3% of the world’s population. Yes, humans killed 60 million of their brothers. If this is not violent then what is? The Nazi holocaust wiped out 10 million humans in the name of ethnic cleansing. This probably is the lowest humans could demean themselves to.  The war between Iran and Iraq took away over 2 million human lives and the more recent Afghan war took more than a million lives. We have read about the Spanish Conquistadors responsible for wiping away the highly advanced Mayan civilization and several other cases of mass violence by fellow humans wiping out civilizations from the face of earth. All in the past

If you look at the chronology of these events, we were more violent and deadlier as a species than we are today. The two old men would have certainly heard Billy Joel sing

We didn't start the fire

It was always burning

Since the world's been turning

We didn't start the fire

Humans have always overcome their inherent fears by creating chaos all around them. In fact,We have thrived on this weakness. I was so tempted to tell the 2 old men that the golden age of anything was never as golden as it seem today. If anything, we were more violent and cruel in the past.  

So all you degenerate morons who burn buses and ransack shops, don’t feel too proud about your violent shameful acts. Please remember that you didn’t start the fire. Your ancestors were more violent than you can ever be. They caused more damage to this world than what you aspire to do. So stop what you do as you can never match up to your grandfathers. Instead, Let us try being humans for a change. Who knows it could be good too.  

One Without Tea

A conversation I recently witnessed in a coffee shop at the airport. An old frail man walked up to the counter and asked for 

“One without tea”

The boy across the counter who was taking this order wanted to double-check. “One, what?”

With a deadpan face, the customer answered “One without tea”

I was next in the queue and immediately knew that this would take a while. It was promising to be fun as well. 

“We have masala tea and ginger tea. Which one would you want?”

“No Sada (ordinary) tea. But without tea” came the reply from the customer. 

The confused assistant realized that his feeble attempts to sidestep a tricky request weren't working. So he reached out to his supervisor for help.

The busy looking supervisor asked the customer if he wanted coffee !!

“No coffee. Only Without Tea”. Now our man was losing it. Apparently coffee is not his cup of tea.

“Tell him we don’t have it” – The irate supervisor shooed away the counter boy who was by now becoming more of a pest than the customer himself.

The poor boy was more than happy to follow his boss’s orders and told the old man that they don't have that 'Without tea'. Whatever it might be. 

The customer was bemused and said something in a language that none of us understood. I am pretty sure he was not thanking the coffee shop, guys.

He walked out angry and disappointed. But hey, he got what he wanted. He asked for 'One Without tea', and walked away without tea. What was he fussing about?

As I reached the counter and asked for a cup of coffee, the counter boy was thrilled to bits and beamed a very happy smile. He was so happy to hear something he could understand.

As my coffee was getting ready I turned back and looked at the old man and thought about his strange request. What could he have wanted? Should I have stepped in and tried to help him rather than just enjoy the fun? 

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the coffee cup and the fresh brew.

"Sir, your coffee," said the helpful assistant and pointed me to a corner where sugar packets were kept. 

Without Sugar

Instinctively I looked back to see if that tea-loving customer was still around. How could we not understand this simple request? 

I never met that old man again and probably never will. But I sincerely hope that the next time he has a smarter and sweeter fellow customer who not just enjoys his plight but also helps him get his 'One without (sugar) tea',

May i have your kind tension please

“Goood evening lads and gentmen,

The inflight announcement crackled through the speakers. Apparently they don’t like ladies and gentlemen inside the flight anymore and prefer to greet only the ‘lads and gent men ’.Whoever they are

May I have your kind tension please?”

I wasn’t sure if I fitted the category of a ‘lad’ or a ‘gentmen’ but I sure had lots of stress and tension with me that I was more than willing to give away to that pretty inflight attendant who made this strange request. Why would she request others for their kind tension? Or was it kind attention?

Mr. Nara…aa..ya..n…

Even in deep sleep I could sense that someone was having a fight with my name. I woke up in time to save the struggling flight attendant and more importantly my name (actually that’s my father’s name) by helping her with my rather easy to pronounce …Bhaskar

Sir you have a pre booked Veg meal. May I have your boarding pass please?

As I pick my boarding pass and hand it over to her, she poses a tough question

Would you prefer vegetarian or non - vegetarian, Sir

If I prefer a non-vegetarian meal, why would I pre book a veg meal? I chose to show my annoyance by showing a V symbol (for veg) with my fingers. I was too sleepy to answer anyway. Can I have a sandwich please? Not because I like it but because that’s the first option I could think of.

Cucumber tomato or spinach lettuce or paneer sandwich?

Another multiple choice question. After a quick inky-pinky-ponky in the head I took that tough decision – “cucumber tomato please”

Sorry sir we don’t have it.

Annoyed as I was my ego did not permit me to go back to the poor spinach and panneer that I said no to in the first place. So I asked for a fruit cake

Sorry Sir, it’s out of stock

I felt like screaming out loud. I was in row 3 for God’s sake. How can something go out of stock when the food service had barely started, But I held back my frustration and politely asked the girl, “What else do you have”

Sir, please go through our menu in the inflight magazine kept in your seat pocket

Now that strange request made by the flight attendant as soon as we boarded the flight - “May I have your kind tension please” made sense to me. She probably wanted to collect as much tension as she could from the others so that she could pass them all on to me. Unfortunately for me, she succeeded

I didn’t know if I was more hungry or angry staring at the small box of chilli pepper cashew in front of me. Apparently that’s all the vegetarian choice they had for me.

By the way, I had asked for a box of salted cashew.